Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
