I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
