I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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