You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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