Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
