After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
