shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
