I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
