I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
