break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
