Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
