I hope mine doesn't look like that
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
