I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
