Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
