Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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