i think my tv is drunk
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
