she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
