You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
