just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
