i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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