am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
