I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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