She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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