since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
