i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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