he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
