Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
