Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
