Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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