he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
