Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there's paper in my vomit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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