five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
