It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
