What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
