Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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