I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
