i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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