Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
