dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
