It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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