Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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