its not stalking. its research.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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