You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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