either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
