I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
