Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
