Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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