You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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