my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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