i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
