Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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