"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
