You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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