If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
