Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
