First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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