this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
