Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
