Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
