Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
