I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
